Don't Be Afraid To Ask!

In one of my keynote presentations, I ask an audience member to set off a "live" mousetrap using only one hand. I know, sounds fun, right? 

Here's how it goes 99% of the time:

1. The volunteer joins me on stage at which point I inform him/her of the challenge. Men usually puff up in bravado. Women often let out an involuntary "you're kidding me, right?" nervous laugh. Doesn't matter, I still smell their fear.

2. There's a long, awkward pause while the participant ponders possible solutions to the challenge, wonders whether I have good insurance, and imagines what life will be like with one less finger.

3. The volunteer eventually reaches their sweaty, shaky hand toward the trap. I stop them before they do something they might regret and ask them if there is anything they could do to eliminate or lessen their fear.

4. They think for a second. Nope, guess not. Here comes that hand again.

5. I stop them again. This time I ask if there is any information that they might find helpful BEFORE they set off the trap with their sweaty, shaky hand.

6. The smart ones will light up and say something like, "Yes! It would be great to know how to do this without hurting myself." The not-so-smart ones just reach their hand out again.

7. At this point I ask WHO they should ask for this information. They always look puzzled and then say "I dunno, my friends?" This answer always amazes me because the way they say it tells me they clearly don't think their friends are all that clever. I almost always have to give them the right answer, which is: ask the person who's done the activity more than any other person in the room. Ask the expert!

8. Blank stares.

9. It's me, dummy! Ask ME! Ok, I don't say the dummy part out loud. But I'll be honest, I think it sometimes.

10. Finally they ask me how to do it safely. And -- being the nice guy that I am -- I explain it to them, I demonstrate it for them, and then they successfully set off the trap with one hand. We haven't lost a finger yet.

We all do this, don't we? For some reason, most of us have this overwhelming need (habit?) that drives us to try to figure everything out by ourselves. And many times there's an expert in the next cubicle, office, or phone extension. Even if we think about reaching out, we stop ourselves with an excuse like:

"She's busy, I shouldn't bother her."

"I'm smart. I can figure this out."

OR the worst excuse of all:

"People will think I'm stupid if I ask for help." This one is the silent killer because it is the root excuse 99% of the time whether we know it or not. One of our top fears is looking stupid to others.

Let me ask you, what looks more stupid:

A. Asking for help even when you "should" know the answer?

B. Not asking for help and wasting time trying to figure it out by yourself when you could get the answer in two seconds from someone more knowledgeable than you?

Hmmmm. I'll go with B.

No, I don't want you to become a lazy bum that can't do anything himself and has to ask for instructions and advice on everything. Those people never hesitate to ask and have no reservation. You could never be one of those people if you tried, so don't worry about it. In fact, I'm not even concerned that some of them might read this article because they simply won't. They'll just ask you what it said. :)

So the next time you start to feel frustrated, anxious, or otherwise stressed out because you don't know how to do something, think about who might know what you need to know.

Then ASK them.

You might think you look stupid, but in reality you'll make them feel smart! And I'll help anybody who makes me feel smart, won't you? 

See you next week.

Get Your Life In Whack

Don't you love the word, "whack"? It's a completely nonsensical-sounding word, yet it carries several meanings in our language. You can "whack" somebody with a stick. That's not the same as poking them or hitting them. A whack feels different. And the person you whack usually doesn't deserve it. You can "whack someone upside the head". That's a very specific action, similar to a slap in the face, but typically happens on the back side of the head in an upward motion. And, unlike getting whacked with a stick, the recipient usually DOES deserve it. You can "whack" (i.e., kill) somebody, but only if you're in the mafia. They're the only ones who use the word that way. And you have to say it with a thick New Jersey accent or it just doesn't sound right. You may also interchange "Make 'em sleep with the fishes". Again, only if you're a gangster. "That's whack" was street lingo for awhile. It meant "that ain't right", which was also street lingo for awhile (and still is in the deep south, I believe).  When something is "out of whack", it is typically out of balance in some way. There's something not quite right and it's making the whole thing not work properly. Picture a tire that's not properly balanced. It wobbles and shakes and makes the tire perform poorly all the way around. In turn, the entire car wobbles and shakes and doesn't handle the way it should. The tire is out of whack, therefore our entire driving experience is out of whack. We'll tolerate that tire about a week before the vibration drives us nuts and we finally drive to Sears and beg them to balance our tires and smooth out our ride. Our ride then becomes back in whack. But what happens if you make it past that first week of tire shaking? You get used to the vibration, don't you? It becomes your norm. You don't even notice it after awhile. And if you never drive or ride in another car, you completely forget that your tire is out of whack. You become oblivious to the fact that your car could perform way better and your ride could be so much more enjoyable. What about your life? Same principles apply, yes? When an area of your life is out of whack, it can cause your whole life to become less than ideal. But if you ignore the part(s) that are begging for attention, you eventually stop noticing. It becomes your norm. Worst case? The part that's out of whack crashes & burns and wreaks havoc in the rest of your life as well. Best case? You live a life that's less than optimal, less productive, and far less satisfying than it could be. In every Creating A Positive Charge workshop that we produce, participants testify again and again that negativity in the workplace is often caused (or made worse) by other areas of life that have gotten out of whack.  For instance, if you're not healthy, does your work suffer? If you say no, let me ask it another way: if you were the pinnacle of physical health & well being, do you think you could bring your "A game" to work more often? You know you could. If your home life is full of negativity and stress, does it affect your attitude at work? Likewise, if your work life is full of negativity and stress, does it affect your attitude at home? We humans are stubborn and bizarre creatures. We'll fix our cars immediately at the appearance of the slightest knock, ping, or rattle. Yet we'll ignore the incredibly important parts of our life that need attention...for years, even decades. Fall is a great time to pause and take a look at your life. Not just work, not just home, but your whole life. How satisfied are you with all the areas of your life? How productive are all the areas of your life? How effective are you in all the areas of your life? Anything causing your car to shake? Now would be a great time to start getting it back in whack. Sure, your boss will be glad, so will your teammates. But YOU'RE the one who will truly discover what a positive difference it can make in your life. Not just your work life, but your WHOLE life. That's what really matters. This article was inspired by an event that's happening next week at sparkspace called Take Time For Your Life - 30 Day Breakthrough Program Kickoff Event. This is not an official sparkspace produced event, but I met this week with Eric Pennington, the presenter of this extraordinary program. Eric shared with me how the program is designed to help people identify areas of their life that are out of whack (my words, not his) and how you can create a breakthrough in any one of those areas in the next 30 days. I instantly knew that this was a program that could help many of our friends and followers reach greater satisfaction & significance in their lives. Eric's energy & passion for helping people create wellbeing in their life is truly inspiring. He has outlined his escape from the the typical, soul destroying world of work in his book, Waking Up In Corporate America: The Seven Secrets That Opened My Eyes. I hope you'll consider investing in yourself with this program. A better life at work, home, and everywhere in between takes commitment, discovery, and action. This program will light a spark in all three aspects, I'm sure. >>More info & registration details You can also contact Eric directly for more info at epennington@epicliving.com I usually end my articles with "see you next week" even though we'll likely only see each other electronically. In this case, however, I really do hope we see you in person next week at sparkspace for this great event!

How To Waste 100,000 Hours

I save my most powerful message for the end of each of my keynotes and workshops. I gotta admit, it makes a great closing thought. But today, I'm stickin' it right up front

If you work full-time you'll put in somewhere around 2000 hours at work this year. You'll spend more time working than any other single activity, even sleeping. Most people work 8-9 hours each day. Sleep specialists say you should get 7-8 hours of good sleep each night, but I don't know very many people who follow that prescription, do you? My point, exactly.

Now for some math (I KNEW I'd use it someday):

Most adults start working full-time in their early twenties. And, sadly, most adults that are currently in the workforce will have to work into their seventies because they don't have enough money to retire. But that's a whole different lesson for another time. Back to the math...

Age 20-ish to age 70-ish is 50-ish years of full-time work-ish.

50 years x 2000 hours/yr = 100,000 hours of work life.

Holy crap, that's a lot of hours. And the majority of them are wasted. 

Oh, sure, many of those hours are spend producing useful widgets or information for the company you work for, serving customers, and earning a living for you and your family. But the majority of those hours are still wasted...in negativity. 

Know why?

Because you didn't enjoy them. Because your mindset was negative too often. Because you let your co-workers, boss, the economy, or some other devil drag you down. Because you had a fight with the kids before school. Because you were late. Because you're having a bad hair day. Because you didn't bring your A game. Because, because, because, because, because...because of all the horrible things life does. If you sing that last line to the tune of "We're Off To See The Wizard" from the Wizard of Oz, it becomes slightly less depressing, but not much.

So, how many of your 100,000 hours have you wasted in negativity so far?

I'd love to say it's easy to change, but that's simply not true, is it? You can't choose to be happy, in spite of what motivational gurus or your grandma says. I do believe you can chose to be positive in most situations, although that, too is easier said than done.

Here's the secret sauce, ready? 

What you can always choose is to choose to do everything in your power to create positive energy in your work life. That's the real secret.

That's different than choosing positivity. Choosing positivity (or happiness) is kind of like choosing bigger muscles. I can't just choose them. If I really want bigger muscles, I have to do everything in my power to create them. If I lift a 5lb weight every other month, I'm not going to see any results. But if I work out like a madman and make it my top priority, eventually I won't look so silly in my skin-tight Under Armour t-shirts.

So choosing positivity at work becomes an ongoing series of choices, not a single life-altering moment. Some examples include choosing to:

- walk away from gossip instead of listening or (gasp!) participating.

- get organized instead of fighting through my mess every day.

- get enough sleep instead of staying up late.

- read a positive book instead of watching a ridiculous "reality" show.

- encourage a co-worker instead of criticizing him.

- be on time for meetings and appointments instead of always trying to squeeze in "one more thing".

- avoid negative people that practice the dark magic of sucking all positivity out of me and replacing it with their negative mojo.

This list could go on and on and on. And this list is drawn from just my own experience and many of my own wasted hours. Imagine if I added yours to the list. Did you just shudder? Me, too.

100,000 hours is a lot of time. Will you waste a few here and there? Absolutely. Impossible not to. I'm sure even Mother Teresa wasted at least an hour.

This has become a big motivator for me: When I'm 70-ish, I want to look back on my work life (and the rest of it as well) and know that I didn't waste it. Think about that for a second. Could there be anything worse than realizing that you had 100,000 hours to use, and during that entire time you had the choice, and the power, to be anything you really wanted to be, and you chose to be negative? Just the thought of that scenario depresses me! And simultaneously propels me to do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't happen.

The good news is that every minute of every day carries the possibility of a fresh start. You might get 100,000 hours, you might not. But you do get  this moment, this day, right here, right now. It's all we ever get, no matter how long we live or work. Our choices are not made in the past or future. They're always made in this moment, this day, right here, right now.

So, if you're choosing to do everything in your power to create positive energy, what is first/next on your list? Email me and let me know. Better yet, post a comment here on our blog so you can inspire others with your choices.

Oh, and thanks for not wasting your 100,000 hours.

Go Exploring More Often!

A taste of my experience in Portland this week & some much needed encouragement to Go Exploring More Often!

Thanks for watching!

Stop Hogging The Armrest!

It's midnight Columbus time, and I am angry. In fact, I'm ready to snap.

 

You see, I'm currently 30,000 feet over the Western United States, sitting in an all-too-familiar and incredibly uncomfortable situation...again. I'm in the middle seat of an airplane, trapped between two grown men approximately the same size as I am. And I get to enjoy this prison for at least another hour before touching down in Portland, Oregon.

 

Now I know airplane seats were originally designed for 1950's travelers, which I'm sure were at least a few pounds and a few pant sizes smaller than the three of us that are currently packed into this row. But why am I the only person who seems to be sucking it in? The gentlemen to my left and to my right are both spilling over into my tiny aeronautical space. They have laid claim to BOTH of their armrests, not giving a moment's consideration that at least one of those armrests would have/could have/SHOULD have been mine if only I had sat down first.

 

Somehow, even though their feet are tucked under the seats directly in front of them, their thighs have invaded my personal bubble as well. Call me old-fashioned, but I really, really don't like to rub thighs with complete strangers.

 

So I sit here trapped, angry, and feeling like the only person who tried to make himself as small as possible on this airplane. And I conclude that the reason is because most people put themselves first. They look out for #1. And they act as if it is their birthright to claim just a little more than their space because they got there first.

 

My tirade does have a point besides letting me blow of a little steam (thanks for listening by the way).

 

I'm pretending to be quite righteous as I sit here stewing in my middle-seat hell, but the truth is there are many places in life and work when I take up both armrests. More often than not, I do it unintentionally, as some travelers do (not these two dudes beside me, but some do I'm sure). But intent doesn't really matter when you're the one without the armrest, now does it?

 

Like when someone on my team needs my attention, or my brain, or my part of a project and I intentionally go about my day focusing only on MY work and MY needs. Oh, I have great reasons and excuses for my behavior, but I'm often being selfish and I know it.

 

Same thing happens at home with the wife, the kids, and even the dogs. Especially the dogs. My poor dogs love me so much and there are days I barely pet them because I'm too "busy". Thank God they forgive me even faster than he does.

 

I think my anger has been provoked because I'm not just talking about airplane etiquette. This is a rampant problem and is very likely why our teams don't work and customer service blows almost everywhere we go. Nobody is willing to give up an armrest. Nobody is willing to suck it in/suck it up for the sake of their fellow travelers -- which includes our customers, coworkers, employees, bosses, friends, family, and yes, our dogs.

 

Here's what scares me about this whole thing: When very few people are willing to let go of their own comfort, their own agenda, their own gosh-darn armrest, the few who ARE willing to do so inevitably become discouraged. And I'm talking discouraged to the point of "Screw it. I'm taking back that armrest the moment he reaches up to scratch his nose." And that, my friend, is like jumping into the toilet of selfishness milliseconds before the flush. It's nearly impossible to back out once you've bounced off that diving board.

 

The only way I know to reverse this spiral of selfishness is to encourage the positive behavior we desire in others. When you see someone obviously (or not-so-obviously) sacrificing their own comfort for the sake of someone else, pull that person aside or write them a note and MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT. Tell them that even though the person they were serving may not have noticed, YOU noticed. Tell them their actions made the world a better place today. Tell them to not give up.

 

If you're one of those people who give up part of your lunch hour to help somebody understand a piece of software better, or you volunteer to work an extra shift so someone else doesn't miss their kid's soccer game, or you regularly stop everything you're doing to give an employee your complete attention, I want you to know how special and rare and wonderful you are.

 

And if you're one of those people who practice the lost art of sharing armrests on airplanes, I can't wait to sit next to you someday. Fair warning, though, I may invade your space to give you a well-deserved high-five.